


Reignite

by karmacarmilla



Series: Ignition [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Hollstein - Freeform, Teacher AU, karmacarmilla, mild violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-13 20:59:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5716891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmacarmilla/pseuds/karmacarmilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of Ignition because apparently I cannot let this story go and have pre-written so much of it that if anything does happen to me, I will have the rest to post when I come back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pretend For Me

**Author's Note:**

> So those of you that know, this was originally a bonus one shot but I could not find it within myself to stop writing about this couple so here is the continuation I suppose.

“Why can’t I get macaroni  _ and _ chicken nuggets?”

The family had gone out to one of Laura’s favorite diners for dinner and had been deciding what to eat. Laura knew exactly what she wanted because she always got the same thing when she went but Noah and Carmilla were exploring the entirely-too-long menu with wide eyes and empty stomachs.

“You are not going to be able to eat all of that. Why don’t you ask for macaroni on the side?”

“But I want a chocolate pudding!”

Carmilla rolled her eyes as she looked over her own menu, “God, you're turning into Laura.”

The blonde turned to her, offended. “Hey! I eat my vegetables!”

“If I tie you down, maybe.” 

This time Laura was the one to roll her eyes, “ _ Anyway _ , why don't you get the pudding and I will make us macaroni for lunch tomorrow?”

Carmilla shook her head just as the waitress approached them, “I rest my case.”

They all ordered, Noah deciding to go with Laura’s suggestion, and waited for their food. While waiting, Carmilla played ‘hide the coin’ with Noah and eventually he got so good that he actually tricked her a couple times. Laura simply watched the interaction with admiration. If someone had told her that her and Carmilla would be together and had created this family dynamic with a child, she would have thought they were psychotic.

Once the food arrived they all eat their meals happily, Carmilla and Noah continuing their shenanigans. It was nice to see the brunette so realized and childlike - which was common when she was around Noah but each time Laura saw it in action it felt like it was the first. By the time they finished, Carmilla took the bill without even a second thought and led them out of the restaurant.

“I’m proud of you, cupcake. I would have never expected you to eat sweet potato pancakes over chocolate chip - even though it is dinner time.”

Laura groaned as she tried to take her hand out of Carmilla’s grip to swat her. The brunette gripped tighter with a smirk, knowing Laura would not dare remove her other hand from Noah’s grasp so late at night.

“You’re lucky both of my hands are occupied otherwise you would be going down right about now,” With that statement Laura instantly blushed as Carmilla laughed. “You know what I meant!”

“Oh I know what you meant-”

“Mommy?”

The women immediately stopped their banter and looked between each other for a moment before turning to Noah who had stopped in his tracks. Laura went to say something but Carmilla beat her to it.

“Noah, buddy, we talked about this…”

“No,” he pointed towards the trashcan. “My mom is over there.”

Sure enough, when the couple turned around to look where the child was pointing, Betty was leaning against a dumpster right outside of the diner.

“Get in the car,” Carmilla mumbled as she let go of Laura’s hand.

The smaller woman instantly picked up the child and carried him to the car, ignoring all of his questions on the way there.

Carmilla could hear his crying get further and further away as she walked in the opposite direction towards Betty. Once she reached the trashcan she took a deep breath. She knew that if she did not, things would get bad very quickly. Kneeling down so they were face to face, Carmilla tapped the woman in the side with her foot.

“Betty?”

She waited a moment but there was no response so she tapped a bit harder. The woman shook for a moment before slowly lifting her head.

“Okay, okay I’ll find another place to sleep.”

Carmilla sighed, sadly.  _ How is this the same woman that used to drop Noah off? _

“Betty I’m not telling you to leave. It’s me...Carmilla.”

The sound of her name instantly brought reality back to the woman, “Oh...what do you want?”

“We have been looking everywhere for you. Do you know how long you have been gone?”

“A couple of days, chill out. I was going to come back and get Noah eventually. I thought you wanted to take him from me anyway.”

“We never wanted to take him from you but you left him with us. Betty it’s been months since you left him and you did not leave him with us, you left him at your house. We had to find him, Betty. Do you know how dangerous that is? You left your child that is not even old enough to be in grade school until this autumn was left in a house by himself. Anything could have happened!” Now that she was thinking about everything that could have happened she was furious. All of this time she had never thought about in such depth but now that she was it broke her heart. “He could have died of starvation! He could have drowned in the bathtub!”, That was what did it. Those were the words that brought the true realization to the both of them. Both of them had tears running down their cheeks at the thought of Noah no longer being a part of their lives due to Betty’s idiocy. “My girlfriend spent hours looking for you and him! What if she hadn’t found you? She would have never known he was alone! Do you realize how fucking lucky we all were?”

“I’m sorry,” Betty’s words came out choked but they were there. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You need help. We need to get you to a rehab, a hospital, something. You cannot keep doing this to yourself and you definitely cannot put this stress on Noah. He is little but he knows a lot more than you would think.”

“I never meant to hurt my baby.”

“That is why you need to get some treatment. Do you not want to have a second chance with Noah when you get out? We can take him to see you anytime you want, I promise. But you need to do something about this.”

Betty broke out into sobs and her eyes glassed over causing Carmilla to shake her frantically. 

“Calm down before you kill yourself,” The brunette snapped as she did her best to raise the other woman to her feet. 

It took a lot more effort than Carmilla expected but eventually the both of them were standing and headed to the car, Betty dragging her feet.

“Where are you taking me?”

“To the car. I need to take you to the hospital.”

Betty did not respond and simply let Carmilla let her drag her to the car. It was a struggle but eventually they made it to the other end of the parking lot where Laura stepped out the car to open the door to the backseat. She shot her girlfriend a look but Carmilla was too preoccupied trying to maneuver the drowsy woman into the seat to notice.

When she got her into the car, she shut the door behind and leaned against the car to look at Laura who was standing awkwardly.

“Uh...what the hell is going on?”

“We need to get her to a rehab. If I let myself see her like that and did not do anything I would not be able to live with myself.”

“Do you think Noah should be her like this, though?”

Before Carmilla could respond there was screaming coming from within the car and she instantly opened the door and dragged Betty out onto the ground. Noah was screaming at the top of his lungs and trying to get out of his carseat as Laura bolted to the other side to get him out. He clung to her immediately and burst into tears.

“What the fuck did you do?!” Carmilla held her down to the pavement as she tried to squirm out of her grip.

“Nothing! I didn’t do anything! Let me go!”

As Carmilla pushed Betty back down in her attempt to sit up, Laura placed Noah down and grabbed the back of her girlfriend’s shirt to pull her off.

“Carm! Carm let go!”

The brunette could not hear her though. All she could hear was the sound of Noah’s scream replaying over and over in her mind. 

“I left you with him for less than a minute! What the fuck did you do?!”

She continued pushing Betty against the pavement until Laura grabbed her by the stomach and physically pulled her off. Noah just stood crying in the background as he watched the interaction.

“That’s enough, Carmilla! You want to help Noah? Well guess what, both of you are scarring him for life! Get your shit together and act like adults before he ends up worse off than he already is!”

Both women lay on the ground, one nearly knocked out, breathing heavily as Laura tried to calm Noah down.  

As Carmilla returned to reality she sat up and shook her head at herself. She had let herself lose control.

Again.

“I’m sorry.”

There was no response as Betty just lay on the ground, crying. Carmilla did her best to subside the guilt by assuming that she was too high to feel pain. When she went to stand up, she took Betty’s hand and helped her to her feet.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated but once again there was no response. Betty just stood looking blankly at her, tears running down her cheeks.

Laura made no attempt to make eye contact with her girlfriend as she strapped Noah back in his carseat before leading Betty to the car, directly to the passenger seat. Carmilla did not even dare question her as the blonde entered the driver’s seat and she hurried into the backseat next to Noah.

The entire ride to the hospital ride was tense as no one was willing to speak or look at each other. There was the occasional sniffle from Noah or Betty but other than that it was complete silence. Laura usually was the type to listen to the radio and sing along but right about now all she wanted to do was scream.

_ How did such a perfect night turned into such a disaster? _

Upon arrival at the hospital, Laura exited the car and led Betty inside while Carmilla and Noah remained in the car.

Carmilla was unsure of what to say to the child. All of this time she was supposed to be his protector and in a moment of weakness she had let herself go from protector to monster. Whether he wanted his mother in his life or not, Carmilla had attacked the woman that brought him into the world right in front of him. Laura was right, she had most likely scarred him for life.

“I’m so sorry.”

As the words left her mouth, Carmilla could not help but feel like she had said that phrase more in one night than she had in her entire life.

“Is my mommy going to die?”

Carmilla sighed, shaking her head. “No, she’s not going to die. She’s just really sick right now and we’re trying to make sure she gets better.”

“Then why did you hurt her?”

There was complete silence after that question. No sniffle, no radio, no traffic passing by - just completely silence. It was silent because Carmilla genuinely did not have an answer. She had done it because she was so protective of Noah that the thought of someone hurting her made her lose her mind. But Betty was his mother? If anyone was not supposed to hurt him it was her. Sure she was not in a healthy mindset and had done some terrible things but as far as Carmilla knew, she had never physically hurt her son in anyway. 

But that scream.

God, that scream had terrified her. She had never heard a sound like that in her entire life, especially not coming from Noah.

“I don’t know.” 

It was a bullshit answer but how was she supposed to explain all of her emotions to a child? The silence returned after her answer until Noah spoke again.

“She tried to take me, Carmie. I don’t want to leave you.”

Carmilla instantly turned to look at him, “What?”

“She told me we were going to run away and she tried to take me! She told me to give her a hug but she tried to take me out of my seat, Carmie. I don’t want to go away with her! I want to stay with you and Laura.”

So many questions raced through Carmilla’s mind but she knew none of them needed to be brought to Noah’s attention so instead she helped him out of his carseat and let him curl into her chest.

“You will always be with us.”

-

The women were preparing for bed nearly silently. It had been nearly 2 and a half hours since they had found Betty and Laura had been able to safely drop her off at the hospital where they were able to help her out. Betty did not have any insurance so the she was gracious enough to put Betty on hers along with Noah. They were to help her detox at the hospital and then transfer her to a rehab where she could only have visitors after her first 30 days. When she was having Laura write her visitation list for her, Laura could not help but purposely leave Noah off of the list. She knew it was unethical, and probably illegal, but in her opinion that child had been through enough heartache. The last thing he needed was to see his mother in a rehabilitation center - especially when he made it clear that he did not want to see her in the first place.

Now they were back home, Noah sound asleep in his bed as the women awkwardly completed their nightly routines around each other. If Laura had not rented her home out to a local family that was traveling abroad then she would have definitely returned there for the night. It was not that she did not want to be around Carmilla but she just needed a moment to breathe. The night had turned from a family outing into an emotional rollercoaster in practically no time and there was honestly was nothing that could have prepared her for it. All she wanted to do now was sleep.

“Laura?”

She turned around to look at Carmilla who sat on the side of the bed, staring at her hands. 

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Stopping me.”

The silence returned as the woman stood looking at each other, neither of them sure of what to say.

“Why do you do that, Carm?”

“Do what?”

“Lose your mind. Any time something goes anything less that perfect you lash out whether it's smoking, drinking, fighting, anything. It’s like your mind goes blank and you instantly do something destructive.”

Carmilla paused, refusing to look at her girlfriend, “I don't know.”

“You don't know?”, Laura snapped as she began to put her jeans back on. “Well until you figure it out maybe I should go.”

That made Carmilla look up faster than she ever thought she could. She reached out, grabbing Laura’s wrist. 

“Please don't leave.”

“What am I supposed to do, Carm?”

“I’m...I’m not sure,” She let go of Laura to give her the option to go with all of the hope that she would stay. “I just know that Betty might not be the only one that needs help.”

“You’re scaring me.” Laura whispered only to be responded with an even softer answer.

“I am scaring myself.”

The room was eerily quiet as neither of the women attempted to make any sort of movement. The only thing that was heard was the air running through the vents until Laura took a seat next to her girlfriend.

“What can I do? I want to help.”

“Right now, lay with me?”

The blonde sighed, removing her jeans as they both climbed into the bed. It went unsaid that she would be the big spoon tonight so she moved as close as possible to Carmilla, wrapping her arm tightly around her waist.

“I love you but this is not going to fix anything.”

“I know,” Carmilla mumbled as the turned the lamp off, “But for now let’s pretend.”

They lay quietly until Carmilla had fallen asleep, Laura’s eyes growing heavier soon after. Her dreams were filled with images of unattainable perfect life.

But it was okay.

After all, they were only pretending.


	2. My love, She keeps me warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up in the Hollstein household (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention!:  
> I have never written smut in my entire life so please cut me some slack. I am so nervous about writing this so please bare with me.

When Carmilla awoke she was unsurprised to find her spooning Laura - the complete opposite of how they went to sleep the night before. It was common for Laura to subconsciously  maneuver herself into Carmilla’s arms at some point through the night but the brunette did not mind. She honestly felt just as protected with the smaller woman pressed against her chest. The problem that she had was that her left arm was numb and aching. There was no good place to put your free arm while spooning whether it is under your partner or over your head - either way it was painful.

“Cupcake.”

Laura mumbled in her sleep and curled further into Carmilla’s chest.

_Okay, shit that hurts._

“Laura, sweetheart, my arm feels like it’s going to fall off at any moment now.”

The smaller woman groaned and rolled over onto her side of the bed, clutching her pillow, before falling back asleep as if she had never woken in the first place.

Shaking her arm to return the feeling, Carmilla sat up and and stretched herself out. As she swung her legs over the side of the bed, the door opened revealing Noah eager to come in.

“Morning, bud.”

“Carmie!” He exclaimed as he hopped on the bed between her and Laura. “Can we hop on Laura again?”

Carmilla could not help but laugh at his excitement. The day before Laura was having a hard time waking up so her and Noah climbed on her back until she cried for mercy and promised to get out of bed if they released her. Carmilla was, however, surprised that after last night’s events he was still in a positive mood.

Before Carmilla could respond, Laura spoke up with a groan, “Don’t even think about it.”

“Laura!” He lay down next to her and wrapped his arms around her in an awkward angle, “You’re awake!”

“Unfortunately.”

“Don’t be grumpy, Cupcake.” Carmilla smirked, placing a kiss on Laura’s lips as she turned around to lie on her back.

“Yeah! Don’t be grumpy, Cupcake!” Noah repeated causing a laugh to erupt from both of the women.

“You can’t call her cupcake, she’s my cupcake not yours.”

“Well I want to call her cupcake because you call her cupcake, Carmie”

Carmilla grabbed Noah by the waist and began tickling him, “Are you sure about that, buddy?”

The child laughed and laughed until he eventually rolled out of her grasp, catching his breath.

Laura sat up with a smile on her face, “Alright enough shenanigans. Today is a very exciting day!”

The pair looked at the blonde, confused.

“What is today?”

She reached into the beside table and pulled out a box wrapped in beautiful dressing with a ribbon on top, “Happy birthday, babe.”

Carmilla paused, looking at the present that was being held out in front of her. “What?”

“Did you really forget your own birthday?”

She shrugged, rubbing the back of her neck, “I guess so.” Taking the present she hesitated slightly before removing the wrapping. When she opened the box she was greeted with a pendant that consisted of a small Galaxy complemented with stars. Turning the pendant around to see the other side there was an engraved message.

_My love,_

_With all of the vices of the world, there is no one I would rather drown with than you. We cannot fix all of the world’s problems but the problems we do face, we will not face alone. With a love that reaches the stars, I will love you always._

 

__-L._ _

 

Carmilla looked up to Laura and Noah staring at her but remained silent. She was completely in awe. Of the both of them, Laura was definitely not the romantic but here she was writing beautiful messages Carmilla could not fathom creating.

“Is it okay? Too much? I just wanted to-”

Carmilla cut her off with one of the most passionate kisses they had in a long time. Noah made cooing noises but they blocked it out. The passion practically radiated in the air. Even after everything, Laura still loved her and was making the commitment of ‘always’. That was more than she could have ever expected.

“I love it. I love you. Thank you.”

Laura smiled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “I’m just not so good with expressing my feelings so I figured this would say more than I could.”

“It’s absolutely beautiful. Put it on me?”

Laura nodded as Carmilla lifted her hair so she could secure the necklace around her neck. It was almost ironic how perfectly the pendant rest directly in the center of her chest as if it was trying to touch her heart.

The brunette lifted her arm to bring her girlfriend back into her embrace as Noah hurried to get in between them.

“Carmie, when is my birthday?”

Carmilla thought for a moment. When was his birthday? She genuinely did not know.

“I’m not sure buddy but I will ask your daycare the second I get the chance. You are coming up on a big birthday.”

She made a mental note to figure out when the child’s birthday was as they would need to know in order to enroll him in grade school.

“Do I have a birthday?”, He questioned.

“Of course! Everyone has a birthday, silly.”

“Laura when is your birthday? Me and Carmie will have a big party for you!”

“Oh no, I could not ask for a party. Being with you two is enough.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Come on, cupcake. When was the last time you actually had a party?”

Laura shrugged slightly and adjusted Noah in her lap, “I guess it would be nice to see all of my friends outside of the workplace…”

“Exactly! Now when is your birthday? I cannot believe we have been together this long and have never talked about it.”

“Kind of like you, I am not too big on birthdays. My mother kind of had a habit of ruining them.”

“You and I both,” Carmilla mumbled as she ran her hand up and down her girlfriend’s back.

“If I tell you when my birthday is, will you promise not to freak out?”

“Depends.”

“Well,” Laura sighed, “Contrary to belief, you and I have a lot more in common than you think.”

“Cupcake, stop talking in circles-”

“We have the same birthday.”

The three of them paused, Laura practically holding her breath as the realization slowly displayed itself on Carmilla’s face.

“Laura-”

“It’s not that big of a deal-”

“It’s a huge deal. Today is your birthday as well and instead you decided to put all of your attention on me. I did not get you anything or-”

“Babe, it’s fine. You did not know and I did not expect anything anyway. I am just thankful to be here with you and Noah.”

Carmilla shook her head, “I forgot my own birthday and you-”

“Carm seriously, it’s fine. This is probably one of the best birthdays I have had in a long time.”

Before Carmilla could respond Noah bounced in Laura’s lap happily, “We get to have two birthday parties!”

“That’s right buddy,” Laura kissed his hair, one hand resting on her girlfriend’s knee. She wanted to make sure Carmilla was not still dwelling on this new information. Laura truly was content with the both of them there but she was not sure the brunette believed it. “Now tell Carm she needs to stop sulking.”

“Stop sulking, Carmie,” He said sticking his tongue out. “What is sulking?”

“I’m not sulking,” Carmilla responded with an eye roll, “I just cannot believe I did not know this. I am such a shitty girlfriend.”

“Oh bad word!”, Noah exclaimed as Carmilla rolled her eyes and handed him a coin.

“Go play.”

Noah paused for a moment before sighing and getting out Laura’s lap, coin in hand, to play in the living room.

The second the door shut the blonde turned to the other woman,  “You are not a shitty girlfriend.” Laura spoke sternly and seriously. She could deal with Carmilla’s sulking over not knowing her birthday but she would not dare let her see herself as a terrible girlfriend. If anything, she was the best girlfriend she had ever had despite all of the trials they had encountered.

“Laura-”

“No, I’m serious. You are an amazing girlfriend. I would have never gotten you that pendant if I thought you were not. Hell, I probably would not still be here if I thought you were a shitty girlfriend.”

Carmilla sighed, “I guess I just cannot believe that after everything you still love me enough to do all of these things and I was not even selfless enough to ask about your birthday.”

“You cannot even remember your own birthday I would not have expected you to know mine.”

The brunette shrugged, pulling Laura into her arms and letting her hands fall into the smaller woman’s lap. She could not help the smirk that came to her face as the blonde shuddered slightly when her hands accidentally touched her center. It was a lucky mistake and she was glad she made it.

“I mean I guess I could come up with a present,” She whispered seductively into her girlfriend’s ear.

Laura subconsciously tilted her neck and moved further into the brunette’s grasp. Carmilla began trailing wet kisses down the exposed skin, carefully planning the way her hands ran up and down her girlfriend’s thighs, making sure to hesitate her hands closer to the inner side.

“Carm,” Laura choked out.

“Hmm?” Carmilla hummed with a smirk not missing a beat.

“We can’t...The door is not... _Mmm_ -” She could not even formulate a sentence as her mind was clouded with completely different thoughts than the words she attempted to

release from her mouth.

“What was that, cutie? Cat got your tongue?” Carmilla was loving every minute of this. It was incredibly satisfying to see her squirm.

“Brûle en l’enfer,” Laura growled though it was clear she was far from angry.

“Ahh beautiful. I am glad to see you have been practicing - though I am surprised that is the phrase you mastered. Let's see what other languages you can speak,” Carmilla began letting her hands travel to the hem of her girlfriend’s pants until Laura pushed them away.

“You and I both know I am far from quiet so unless you want to scar Noah for life I suggest you do not.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow, the smirk never leaving her face, “Changed your mind so soon, huh?”

Laura rolled her eyes as she moved out of her girlfriend’s grasp and got off of the bed, heading to the closet, “You and I both know that is not true.” She replaced her pajama shirt for a sweater and blue jeans with the cuffs rolled up. “I will be right back.”

“Where are you going?”

She gave the brunette a quick kiss, “LaFontaine’s,”  before heading out of the room with Carmilla laughing loudly behind her.

-

When Laura entered the house it was eerily quiet. She had just dropped Noah off at LaFontaine’s house and unfortunately had to reveal that it was her birthday in order for them to give her some slack for dropping off the child unexpectedly during their day off with Perry. Laura was certain something was going on with them due to the blush on LaFontaine’s face when she noticed the curly haired woman standing in the background but was in too much of a rush to ask.

Now she was back home and there was no sign of Carmilla anywhere.

“Carm?” She called through the house but when there was no response she decided to head into the bedroom.

A quick panic flashed through her at the thought of Carmilla possibly being out back smoking but she knew that she had to have some faith and decided to not automatically expect the worse.

When she entered the blinds were closed, making the room completely dark despite the daylight outside, and there was Carmilla lying on the bed in her lingerie with a trace of a smirk lingering on her face.

“Shit,” Laura mumbled as her eyes trailed up and down her girlfriend’s body. It was nothing new to her but it still seemed to trip her up every time.

“Come here,” Carmilla whispered and instantly Laura was under her spell. The huskiness of her voice sent a wave of heat through the blonde’s body that told her she was doomed from the start.

The second she kneeled onto the bed she got on all fours and crawled over to the woman. She stopped above her, taking in the sight, before leaning down to kiss her.

Carmilla smirked, pulling away, “This is my present to you, sweetheart. You don't get to take control.” The brunette flipped them over so that she was on top and began lifting the blonde’s shirt over her head, “Let’s get this out of the way.”

Laura raised her body so that the shirt could come off easier and shivered at the cold now that her body was exposed. Carmilla’s hands running down her sides instantly opposed the previous feeling and brought back the expected warmth. The second the brunette began placing kisses down her stomach Laura couldn't help the way her hips jolted upwards into her girlfriend.

“Easy there, cupcake.” Carmilla smirked as she started kissing across the blonde’s bare waistline.

Laura knew it was just to get a vocal reaction because the sound she made the first time Carmilla had done it had actually echoed. She tried to keep quiet this time but failed terribly.

A moan escaped her lips the second the brunette’s tongue tapped her skin, “ _Baby_ , don't tease.”

“Mmm,” Carmilla gave her typical smirk before descending further down the blonde’s body, “I love it when you call me that.”

Laura could not even give a witty response as she was too busy trying to steady her breathing. The quicker she came the quicker this would be over and _God_ she did not want this to be over - especially before it even started.

Carmilla used her teeth to drag Laura’s panties down her legs, smirking at the wetness already inside the lining, before heading back up to her center. Quickly securing her hair into a ponytail she dove right into the folds, wasting no time. She began spelling out the words ‘Happy Birthday’ with her tongue as Laura squirmed beneath her.

Laura’s body trembled and she instantly clung to the sheets to gain some control over body - though it was practically no use. Her body pulsed along with her heartbeat, only stilling itself when it was cut off by Carmilla replacing her mouth with a finger. As the brunette pushed in and out of her she tried to push against her hand to create more friction.

“Baby...more,” Laura moaned as Carmilla did as she was asked and added another finger.

It was better but still not what Laura needed and Carmilla knew it as well as she did but continued to slowly push and pull her fingers. The smaller woman groaned as she tried to quicken the pace but Carmilla instantly removed her fingers.

“Sweetheart, I let it slide the first time but you know you cannot take control.”

Laura closed her eyes tightly trying to calm herself down. All she could think about was releasing the pent up pressure within but she also knew Carmilla would not go back on her word.

“ _Please_ , Carm. I won't touch, I promise, just go faster.”

“But where is the fun in that?”

“ _Carmilla,”_ Laura warned as her legs trembled.

The brunette laughed quietly as she finally gave in and did exactly what she was told - both of them equally thankful for the change of pace. As Laura tightened around her girlfriend's fingers Carmilla added her mouth back into the mix until the blonde screamed in pleasure.

Carmilla wiped her fingers on Laura’s stomach before sliding herself up to connect their lips.

“I love you,” Laura mumbled as she tried to catch her breath.

Carmilla kneeled to lick some of the juices off of her girlfriend’s stomach before bringing her body back up to kiss her once again.

“I love you too.”

She moved to rest on her side of the bed but Laura grabbed her arm and kept the brunette hovering over her.

“Where are you going?”

“Nowhere?”, Carmilla raised her eyebrow. “I was going to lay down for a bit.”

The blonde shook her head before flipping them over, “No way. That lingerie was meant to be taken off. Give me your hair elastic.”

Carmilla could not help but smirk and she removed the elastic from her hair and gave it to her girlfriend. The second her hair went up, Laura wasted no time returning the favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chat with me: KarmaCarmilla.tumblr.com


	3. Blow out all the Candles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with the birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. I ended up taking that break that I was talking about and I feel so much more refreshed and alive. I wrote in a journal during my break so all of this story is written I just have to type it up.  
> Thank you for being patient (-:

When Laura opened her eyes it was close to dinner time. Her body was slightly aching but truly in the best way possible. Rolling over, she curled into Carmilla’s body as she slept. She watched the brunette's chest slowly rise and fall and deemed it one of the most peaceful sights she had ever encountered. It was not often that she woke before Carmilla and if she did she never took the time to notice her breathing.

The peace was disrupted, however, by the sound of Laura’s ringtone blaring through the room. Carmilla groaned as she was interrupted from her sleep, placing a pillow over her face to block out the noise, while Laura hurried out of the bed to reach for her phone in her purse.

“Hello?”

“Is this Laura?”

“This is she. May I ask who is calling?”

“It is Betty. This is my only phone call until next week but something happened with my visitor’s list.”

Laura paused for a moment before digging through the drawers to find clothes. Something about talking to Noah’s mother while naked made her feel very uncomfortable.

“What is wrong with it?”

“They told me that Noah is not on it.”

Laura looked over at Carmilla who was staring at her expectedly. She had not told her yet about her decision to leave Noah off of Betty’s visitor list as she did not think she would get caught - especially not so soon.

“Maybe it is because of his age?”

“No, my roommate has a newborn that her husband is allowed to bring in. Did you put him on the list?”

“Yes.”

_ Lie number one. _

“Well maybe you can bring him tomorrow morning? We have open visitation and I can tell them that they made a mistake on the list.”

“Maybe.”

There was a pause for a moment before Betty spoke again, “Can I speak to him?”

“Noah?”

“Yes, I only have 5 minutes left on my call.”

Laura paused momentarily knowing she was going to have to come up with a lie. There was no way to tell her that the day after they dropped her off at rehab they sent her child away for the night - especially not for sex (well, love, but that would not make a difference in Betty’s eyes).

“Um, he is sleeping right now and we have him on a schedule so it probably would not be good to wake him but we can bring him tomorrow.”

“Can I just talk to him? You do not have to wake him but I at least want to talk to him. Just put the phone near him, please?”

Laura sighed, refusing to make eye contact with Carmilla, and went to Noah’s bedroom with the phone to hold it out into the empty space.

“Okay go ahead, I am in his bedroom now.”

As she began to speak, Laura could not bring herself to listen as the guilt was practically eating her alive. During the woman’s small speech that she thought was being delivered to her son, Laura felt arms wrap around her followed by a head on her shoulder. She leaned into the kiss Carmilla placed on her cheek, only moving away when she heard her name being called.

“All finished?”, She asked as she brought the phone back to her ear.

“Yes, thank you Laura. I am so thankful that my son is with you rather than anyone else.”

“Good night, Betty.”

She waited for the click on the other side of the phone before turning around in her girlfriend’s arms, resting her head on the brunette’s shoulder.

“I am such a terrible person.”

“That is the biggest lie I have ever heard in my life.”

“It is true.”

“Ferme-la,” Carmilla groaned. “You are one of the best people I know, if not  _ the  _ best, and deep down you know that you are a great person as well.”

“I just do dumb things,” She pulled out of the brunette’s grip and moved to the couch where she put her head in her hands. “I did not put Noah on Betty’s visitor list but now she’s asking for us to bring him to her tomorrow.”

Carmilla sat next to her with a sigh, “Are you going to?”

“I’m not sure I have a choice.”

“Well we are the ones with the car. It’s not like she can come get him.”

“Yes but morally I do not think I could do it. Besides, if the time comes where we could maybe keep Noah I think we would have a better chance if we were on good terms with Betty.”

There was a moment of silence before Carmilla placed her hand on Laura’s lap, “It is your call. I know you will make the right decision.”

“Will I?”, Laura questioned mostly to herself. “I used to think I was doing the right thing but now I am not sure if I am just being selfish. I made Betty think she was talking to Noah. That is so awful.”

“No it was protective. We are not in the position where the information that he is not here would not have benefit anyone.”

“I know that...I just feel like if we are being secretive then it is maybe not something we should be doing in the first place.”

“It’s not secretive, cupcake. I think it is pretty much common knowledge that you do not reveal your sex life to the world,” Carmilla laughed quietly but moved her hand from Laura’s knee to her back, stroking up and down to calm the smaller woman.

“I guess you’re right about that.”

“I am always right.”

“Do not push your luck.”

“Mmm,” Carmilla hummed as she leaned in to kiss her, “I do believe I have already gotten lucky.”

Laura rolled her eyes, “Your mouth tastes like me. You need to brush your teeth.”

“Your mouth does not taste much better, cutie. Now get do you want me to go pick up Noah and we can have a family dinner or we can have another dinner for two,” Carmilla mumbled huskily in her ear.

Laura shuddered slightly but did her best to keep her composure. “Nice try,” She whispered just as seductively, “But I am actually hungry so if you do not feed me soon I may have to get a little violent.”

“I like it rough,” Carmilla challenged gently pushing Laura down on the couch.

“You won't be saying that when I make you sleep out here. Now get up so I can order food.” 

Carmilla groaned as she pushed herself off of Laura, “You are no fun,” She called behind her as she headed to the bedroom to get properly dressed.

Laura could not help but smile as she watched her girlfriend pretend to sulk away.

-

“Why can we not have cake now?”

The gang sat together at the restaurant they chose to go to for the joint birthday dinner. Laura had invited LaFontaine and Perry along while Carmilla had convinced Will and one of her childhood best friends, Mattie, to join them as well. Laura was a bit skeptical of Mattie but decided she did not know her well enough to make judgement just yet. For now she was more focused on Noah who squirmed in his seat impatiently.

“Noah, baby, calm down. We will get cake after we eat.”

“But I want cake now!”, He exclaimed as he slammed his hands on the table.

“Hey,” Carmilla scolded the child. “That is not how we behave. You know better than to act like that, especially in public.”

Noah sank in his seat, “Sorry.”

“Do not apologize to me, apologize to Laura.”

“Sorry, Laura.” He said quietly.

The blonde placed a kiss on the child’s cheek, “I accept your apology.”

“Wow,” Mattie interrupted with a smirk that Laura felt resembled heavily to Carmilla. If she did not know any better she would have thought they were related. “Mother Mircalla has risen from the grave.”

“Ha ha,” Carmilla rolled her eyes, “You are saying that but the last time I checked you were the one who used to make Will and I pretend to be your children.”

“That was a silly child’s game, darling. This here is real life and you are living it.”

“Yes, but I love my life.” Carmilla placed her hand on Laura’s thigh in comfort earning a smile back from the blonde.

“God, Kitty, You’re smitten.” Will teased though his eyes revealed his true feelings. He was truly happy for his sister.

Before Carmilla could give a sarcastic response the group’s meals were placed in front of them and everyone began happily eating. The brunette only removed her hand from her girlfriend’s leg to use her knife before returning it right back to its place in Laura’s lap.

LaFontaine raised their eyebrow at Laura who was smiling down at her plate, “Um Hollis should I be concerned or is Carmilla discreetly stroking your lady bits under the table?”

Laura opened her mouth to speak but Noah beat her to it, “What is a lady bit?”

Carmilla smirked along with everyone else but Perry, “Yes, cupcake, what  _ is _ a lady bit?” 

The blonde hesitated for a moment before turning to Noah, discreetly kicking her girlfriend under the table, “Remember when we talked about grown up words?”

“Yes.”

“Well that would be another one.”

Noah turned his head to LaFontaine with an innocent smile, “You owe me a coin.”

They looked skeptically at the child, “What?”

“You used a grown up word so you owe the kid a coin, Frankenstein.” Carmilla encouraged with a smirk.

LaFontaine rolled their eyes as they fished in their pockets for a coin, “This is robbery.”

“ _ Anyway, _ ” Laura interjected, “I am just glad to have an actual birthday, I suppose. I never realized how nice it is to have everyone together without any other reason but to celebrate.”

Perry gave a small smile, “Thank you for inviting all of us.”

“It  _ was _ pretty nice of you two to invite us out,” Will added along. “Besides, I think it is only fair for us to all know each other now so that the wedding is not awkward.”

“Wedding?” Mattie questioned, though she was the only one to speak up everyone else looked thoroughly confused - except Carmilla who resorted to a simple eye roll.

“Du hurensohn,” She shook her head at the man who looked completely satisfied with himself. “You know-”

“Carmie, my coin!”

“Dammit, we taught you German too?”

“Carmie!”

Groaning, Carmilla handed over two coins while LaFontaine burst into laughter.

“ _ Anyway, _ Will you cannot say that word in front of women and people because they will practically lose their minds.”

“Can I help organize the wedding? I am very good at organizing!”

“Where is your ring, Hollis? I am surprised you are not flashing it around.”

“A wedding and a child? You sure are in deep, darling.”

As everyone began talking over each other Laura could not help but look away from Will who was contently eating his dinner with a smirk. 

Did he know something she did not? What was with this wedding talk?

She turned to Carmilla who seemed to be blocking out everything around her until Perry, LaF, and Mattie gave up with her and began talking amongst themselves. 

The brunette simply slid out of her chair and headed over to the bar, Laura watching her every move.

“Noah, stay right here I will be right back.”

She stood from her chair and followed Carmilla to the bar where she sit with her head in her hands. Laura sat on the stool next to her without a word.

“Do not worry I am not going to drink myself drunk, I just needed a second.”

Laura turned to Carmilla who seemed to be refusing to look back at her, “I know.”

“You know he is just fucking with everyone, right? I do not want you to feel pressured or anything because he just says things to get a reaction.” The bartender slid her a gin and tonic but she left it on the counter.

“I do not feel pressured. I actually feel hopeful that other people see enough potential in our relationship to imagine us engaged,” She smiled slightly as she pushed the glass closer to the brunette who finally looked up at her. “It is our birthday and you deserve it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Carmilla smiled, downing only half of the shot, before handing the glass to Laura. “It is your birthday too.”

The blonde could not help the grin came to her face as she threw back the other half. They remained sitting at the bar for a moment before Carmilla took her hand and led them back to their table where the group finally seemed to calm down.

“So first of all, there is no wedding...yet. Second of all, I would like the rest of you to understand that anything that my brother says is complete bullshit - Noah I do not have any coins left so just pretend you did not hear that - Will should never be taken seriously.”

“I really should not be,” Will added on.

“So no wedding?” Perry questioned sadly.

“Not yet but one day,” Carmilla smiled as she squeezed Laura’s hand. “When the time comes you can organize until your heart's content.”

“You will really have to keep me updated, darling. You cannot just call me every 10 years to invite me to an event. Now that you have some things going on with your life I expect to hear from you at least once or twice a month.” Mattie spoke sternly at the brunette before slightly turning to Laura with her million dollar smile plastered across her face, “You, Miss. Jane Austen, I expect to hear from you too. Perhaps a girl’s night? You cannot possibly expect me to know nothing about my dearest Mircalla’s play date-”

“ _ Mattie _ ,” Carmilla warned.

“Oh fine,” She relented, “I suppose you have earned the title of lover rather than play date.”

“Um...thank you?”

“Of course, darling. Now I have got to run if I want to catch this flight back to Morocco.” Mattie turned back to Carmilla, “You protect each other, alright? Have a wonderful rest of your birthday you two. Everyone else, it was lovely meeting you all - especially you my dear Noah. Au Revoir.”

With that she practically strutted out of the restaurant, not forgetting to leave a gift box on the table. The group was practically in awe until LaFontaine spoke up.

“So she was pretty much a deity in disguise, am I right?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes as she subconsciously ran her hand up and down Laura’s leg. It had become a habit that neither of them seemed to mind. “Do not give that woman any more power than she already thinks she has.”

“With a walk like that, how can you not?” Laura still had not removed her attention from where Mattie had just left. “I do not think I have ever seen someone that powerful in my entire life.”

“Be grateful because you did not have to grow up with that.”

“Oh whatever,” Will interrupted, “Do not act like you did not love every bit of it as a child. You used to relish the times she would always come to your defense when you were going to fight someone.”

Laura’s eyebrow raised as she turned her attention back to the table, “Fight?”

“Laura I-”

“Oh yeah Laura, Kitty used to always get into fights. I was definitely the good child.”

“No, you were the oblivious ass-kisser.” Carmilla snapped.

Noah did not dare ask for a coin this time, noticing the brunette's tone of voice. Even Will was slightly taken aback by the intensity in his sister’s eyes - though that in no way stopped him.

“Oblivious? To what? I am pretty sure the whole school knew all about Angsty Teenage Carmilla.” Will turned to Laura with a smirk, “You know this one here used to skip school to smoke like she was some badass. I mean she really thought she was invincible.”

“What do you mean?”

“She used to hang out with the drug kids and do street racing. Mother used to always say one of these days she would end up in a coffin somewhere in Prague and no one would ever know.”

“Mother used to say a lot of things,” Carmilla mumbled.

“That is awful. Carm, you never told me about all of this.”

“It was a terrible time, why would I talk about it? Besides, I am not like that anymore so what does it matter?”

“It matters a lot-”

LaFontaine cleared their throat to cut Lara off, “Um maybe we should have the cake now.”

“Yes! Cake sounds great!” Perry reached to place candles on the cake while LaFontaine lit them.

Noah bounced in his seat happily at the sight of cake though the birthday women were no longer hungry.

Carmilla had her one fist clenched while the other squeezed Laura’s, her eyes never leaving Will. She was furious and Laura was doing her best to calm her down but it was practically no use. Their whole dynamic was banter but there was a line that Will always seemed to cross and Carmilla would not believe he chose to make that decision on such a nice night.

“Carm, calm down. I will let it go, okay? We do not have to talk about it,” Laura whispered as the guests began to sing in celebration of their birthdays.

It was no use. Halfway through the song, Carmilla got up and left the restaurant - leaving Laura and the rest of the table awkwardly debating following her out.

“Laura, where is Carmie going? Can we still eat cake?”

Laura nodded as she cut a slice of cake and placed it on Noah’s plate while everyone else fed themselves. She decided it would be best to leave Carmilla alone for the time being. If she wanted to be around anyone, she would have stayed.

_ Let her go. _

-

Carmilla practically ran to the car, ignoring the chill of the night sharp against her cheeks. She just needed to breathe. She could not exactly blame Will because their entire life everyone had protected him. He never knew the true reason she did the things she did during high school but at the same time he should not be talking about things he knew nothing about. 

Especially in front of Laura.

Hurridly digging through the glove box Carmilla pulled a cardboard box and leaned against the side of the car, fumbling with the lighter for a moment before getting it to light. The second she inhaled the negative thoughts seemed to slip from her mind. She was not worried about Will. She was not worried about Betty. She was not worried about her birthday.

She was not worried about Laura.

The only thing going through her head was how relieving it was to breathe so deeply into the only thing that seemed to understand her. Such an amazing day was even more amazing now that she was no longer feeling alone. She flicked the end of her cigarette onto the pavement, stepping on it, before shoving her hands into her pockets and heading slowly back into the restaurant.

She had not realized how long she had been outside but by the time she went back in, the only people left were aura and Noah. There was wrapping paper on the table from the presents Laura had unwrapped but along with it were boxes still wrapped up.

Carmilla sat down next to Laura, reaching to grab the bill before the blonde grabbed her hand.

“Will took care of it. We can go home.”

The brunette went to say something but Laura just shook her head, lifting a sleepy Noah into her arms, and making her way out of the restaurant. Carmilla quickly picked up her gifts and followed them out to the car. She placed them into the boot while Laura strapped Noah into his seat before getting in on the passenger’s side.

Once Carmilla entered the driver’s seat Laura began rolling down the window.

“What the fuck? It’s freezing outside, shut the window.”

Laura shrugged, “It stinks in here.”

“I was not even in the car, Laura.”

“Well it fucking stinks, okay? You fucking stink so I’m keeping the window down until we get home.”

The rest of the ride was silent. At one point Carmilla’s hand subconsciously moved to rest on Laura’s lap but she instantly pulled away realizing the situation was not appropriate. Upon arrival at the home, Laura took Noah out of his carseat and carried him to his bedroom quietly while Carmilla went to the shower.

Stripping from her clothes she stood in front of the mirror and stared at herself. It had been a long time since she had truly looked at her body and it was practically disgusting in her eyes.

_ This is the body of a selfish woman. This is the body of a coward. This is the body of a betrayer. _

_ This is the body of a Karnstein. _

Suddenly she could not stand to look at herself any longer. The thought of her turning exactly into who she did not want to be was sickening. She stepped into the shower and turned the water to it’s hottest setting, forcing herself to stand under the burning liquid. It made her feel clean. As if she was scalding away all of her negativity. 

She shampooed her hair three times before exiting the shower and wrapping a towel around herself. She made sure to brush her teeth and clip her fingernails before exiting the bathroom and entering the bedroom where Laura lay in the dark.

“Can I turn on the light?”, She whispered into the darkness. She could not see her but she knew Laura was there.

“Fine.”

She flicked on the lamp and began dressing herself before crawling into the bed.They lay separate for a moment before Laura sighed and curled into her arms.

“Why do you make me love you even when I hate you?”

“I do not even know why you love me.”

“Oh stop it, Carmilla.” Laura warned though her voice remained calm. “Stop self loathing and realize that sometimes bad things happen. Bad things happen and people say bad things but we move forward. Do you think that I do not have moments of weakness? Do you think that I do not have failures and losses that haunt me everyday? I have so many demons but it is all about how you handle it. You making poor decisions does not make me love you any less - I just worry about you. I tell you this all of the time and I will keep telling you until you finally understand it.”

Carmilla adjusted, bringing the blonde closer, “How did I get so lucky?”

“I ask myself the same thing everyday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ferme-la = Shut up  
> Du hurensohn = You son of a bitch
> 
>  
> 
> Title from 'Candles' by Daughter
> 
> Chat with me: karmacarmilla.tumbr.com


	4. Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another step toward the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this a bonus.  
> Sorry it is unnecessarily long hahaha

“Laura?”

“Oh my god, what?” Laura whined as she kept her face in her pillow.

Carmilla had been awake practically all night.  Her thoughts were running rapid and every time she landed on a particular thought she would distract herself by asking Laura a random question. At first, Laura thought it was comforting to know that Carmilla would rather talk to her than make a bad decision but after a while she became exhausted and the only thing she could think of was shutting her eyes and letting the exhaustion take over.

“I was just wondering - when do you think Noah’s birthday is? He seems like a summer baby does he not?”

“I do not know, Carm. Why do we not ask the daycare tomorrow? Well later today considering it is past midnight.” She snapped at the last part before sighing, “I am sorry. I am just pretty sure that my eyes have weights on them by now.”

“Sorry, you can go to sleep. I promise I will not wake you anymore,,”

Laura sighed as she rolled over, “What can I do to help?”

“I just need a distraction.”

“Should i tell you a story?” She asked, earning a nod from Carmilla, “Well I know I always talk about the terrible parts of my childhood but it was not completely miserable. One time, i was about 6 years old or so, and my parents took me to the zoo because I had this incredible love for ostriches. We went up to the gates and I could not see because I was very small so my father lifted me on his shoulders. I still could not see as much as I wanted to he stood against the fence and-,” Laura stopped her story as she burst into laughter.

Carmilla laughed along quietly at the sound but as it carried it on she could not help but roll her eyes playfully, “You are such a terrible storyteller.”

Laura laughed a little longer until her laughter turned into occasional giggles, “Sorry, I really am terrible at telling funny stories. Anyway, my father accidentally stuck his foot through the hole in the fence and the ostrich bit his toe!” She laughed a little more as Carmilla joined in.

It was comforting for the both of them to hear each other so childish as light. They giggled like school girls until the room was silent.

They were unsure of who fell asleep first.

-

“Laura?”

The blonde opened her eyes to find the child standing in front of her on the side of the bed.

“Holy shit!” She jumped back, nearly knocking Carmilla off of the bed.

“What the fuck?” Carmilla exclaimed as she quickly grabbed the side of the mattress to keep from falling off.

Noah did not even bother to ask for coins before he burst into tears. Laura opened her arms, steadying her breathing as the child buried himself in her chest, “Noah, baby, what is wrong?”

“I had a nightmare,” He struggled through his sobs.

Carmilla sighed and returned to her previous position on the bed, burying her face into the pillow, “Your mind is tricking you. Go back to sleep.”

Laura smacked the brunette’s arm, “Ignore her, she is just grumpy because she did not sleep well. You can stay in her for a while if you want.”

Noah nodded and climbed between them, “My mommy is still sick, right?”

Laura hesitated for a bit, “Yes but she is getting help.”

The child shrugged, “I hope she stays sick.”

“Do not say that, “ Laura spoke sternly at the child, “You should never want someone to stay sick - especially your family.”

He crossed his arm in a pout, “But I do! If she stays sick then I will never have to leave you and Carmie.”

“Lower your voice,” Carmilla mumbled with a groan, “And you need to listen to Laura. You should not say those things.”

“But Carmie,” He whined as tears pooled at the edge of his eyes, “I love you.”

“I love you too and you know laura loves you too. Your mother getting better will never change that,” The brunette sat up realizing there was no use in trying to sleep any longer.

“But you will not let me stay with you anymore.”

“That is not true at all. Remember before you met Laura or your mother got sick, it used you just be you and me. We used to hang out practically everyday. You can stay here as long as you want and whenever you want.”

Noah sighed, “When do I have to see my mommy again?”

Carmilla looked to Laura who nervously looked down. Ever since her conversation with betty last night she had been pondering the right decision. Now was the time to reveal.

“You see her today.”

“No!” Noah kicked his feet in a tantrum.

“Hey,” Carmilla spoke sternly with the shake of her head, “That is not how we handle our problems. We have talked about this time and time again.”

Noah ignored her and continued his meltdown, “I do not want to! I am scared!”

Carmilla attempted to calm him down while Laura sat with her head in her hands.

All night she tried to come up with the correct decision and clearly this was not it.

“Noah, we might go to jail if we do not take you. Do you want that to happen?”

“I do not want to see her!”

Carmilla groaned upon realizing that she was not getting through to him. Picking Noah up, she carried him out of the room to let Laura calm down.

The blonde sat in the the same position, the stress taking over her frame. She was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. It was terribly tiring trying to deal with her own problems while seemingly carrying everyone else’s along with her. Her students, Noah, Betty, Carmilla...her mother. It felt as if she could never get a break. Slowly she grew dizzy and decided to go back to sleep. If she went to sleep she would not have to feel. Sleep was an escape. Sleep was a void.

-

“Have you calmed down now?”

Carmilla crouched down to Noah’s level as he sat in the corner of the kitchen. He was not necessarily being punished but he needed to calm down which was best done in isolation. It was what worked for him Carmilla realized one day when he was inconsolable.

“Yes,” He spoke quietly as the tears still stained his cheeks.

Carmilla gave him a small smile as he stood up, “Do you know we are not trying to punish you? We really do not have a choice but to take you, bud.”

“Will I really not be able to see you anymore if I do not go?”

“There is a very good chance, yes,” Carmilla spoke sadly as she was also conflicted. With a reaction like Noah’s there was no way that she wanted to make him have to be in his mother’s presence. However, she was being serious when she said that she had no other choice. Betty had almost, if not all, of the power to keep her and Laura from keeping or even seeing Noah.

“I will go but i am scared. I do not want her to take me away.”

“Where she is, she will not even have a chance to take you. I promise you will be safe and we will not let her take you.”

Noah reached his arms up as Carmilla lifted him.”

“Carmie, i am really scared. I just want you and Laura to be my mommies.”

“Noah-”

“I know you said I cannot say that but why not? Do you not want to be a family?”, He asked sadly.

“Of course we want to be a  family - we are a family,” Carmilla corrected, “But we cannot be a family legally yet. Laura is just my girlfriend so there is a lot to think about. We both love you very much but we also have a lot of adult decisions to make with our relationship. We need to make sure we are stable enough for a child.”

“But you have me now. What is the problem?”

“It takes a lot more than you think, bud. There is a lot of adult things involved like paperwork, tests, court cases, just a ton of things that we have to work out. It is not a quick fix like you think.”

Noah was about to respond when both his and Carmilla’s attention were directed to the bedroom door opening, Laura standing in the doorway stiffly.

“Cupcake, are you alright?”

The blonde nodded slowly before entering the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water, downing it in a couple of seconds.

“Are you thirsty?” Noah asked observantly.

Laura nodded with a gasp before leaning against the counter.

“Laura?” Carmilla put Noah down and moved closer to her girlfriend, “What is going on?”

The second she opened her mouth to speak she burst into tears. Carmilla instinctively brought her close and her on tightly as she cried.

“Hey,” The brunette spoke quietly as she pushed a strand of Laura’s hair behind her ear, “What happened? Did someone call you? Are you hurt?”

“I am tired, Carm,” She mumbled in her chest through sobs, “I keep fucking up and I am so tired. I do not want to be responsible for everyone anymore.”

Laura pulled away slightly and Carmilla leaned down to place a kiss on both of her cheeks where the tears had stained, “You do not need to feel responsible for everyone, okay? Especially people like Betty and I. We are adults and we can handle ourselves. If we fuck up, it is on us and it has nothing to do with you. You are such a positive part of everyone’s life and you have a way of making everything feel like it will be okay. Please do not feel like you have to carry everyone’s weight. Just by being here you will bring so much light into everyone’s life.”

Laura sighed sadly, “It does not feel that way.”

“It may never feel that way but you need to know that it is true.” Carmilla placed a kiss on her lips with a smile, “She is the calm in a storm, wondering why she is the only star shining.”

Laura gave a small smile, “For a mathematician you sure are quite the poet.”

“I do math because it makes sense and there is always a correct answer. Poetry is based on interpretation, it opposes the stability of math. There is no equation, just feeling.”

Laura cuddled back into her arms with a smile, “Even when you are not trying your words are beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you, cupcake.”

The cuddled for a moment longer until Laura pulled away to wipe her tears. She turned to Noah who was staring at them.

“Hey there.”

“Laura are you still sad?”

She laughed slightly, “No I am no longer sad.”

“Oh,” he hesitated a moment, “Can I still give you a hug?”

“Of course, buddy. You can always give me a hug - no matter what.”

She kneeled to child’s level and he cuddled into her, “I love you.”

“I love you too, buddy,” She pulled away holding his face in between her hands, “Can you do us a favor?”

“Yes!” He smiled ear to ear, breaking Laura’s heart a bit as she knew what he was about to hear would take the smile right off of his face.

“I need you to get dressed so we can see your mother.” Just as she expected, she smile instantly fell into a frown.

“Laura,” He whined as the tears returned in his eyes.

“Please, Noah,” She breathed, “Please do not make this harder than it need to be.”

He was about to burst into tears when Carmilla shot him a look that said ‘remember-what-we-talked-about’ and he instantly pulled himself together.

“Okay but can you and Carmie stay with me?”

“Of course, we will be by your side the whole time.”

“She will not try to take me again, will she?”

“She better not,” Carmilla mumbled, earning a stern look from Laura.

“She will not try to take you, I promise. We will be there, doctors will be there, we can all protect you.”

Noah sighed and began leaving the room to go get dressed, calling “I want chocolate chip pancakes before we go,” over his shoulder to the couple’s amusement.

-

“Noah Speilsdorf?”

The trio stood up at the sound of Noah’s name. They began following the doctor when he stopped them in their tracks.

“I am afraid only one of you can come back with him.”

“What?”, Carmilla’s defense mechanism instantly clicked on and Laura did her best to calm her by giving a squeeze of the hand.

“The receptionist told us that both of us could go.”

“I am sorry but she was mistaken. Only one person can accompany him.”

Carmilla’s grip tensed, “He is a child. You are really going to make one of us walk away from him in this time of need?”

“I am sorry but those are the rules.”

“He has two parents! There should not be a choice,” Carmilla was practically growling, scaring not only the doctor but Laura who was afraid they would both be kicked out.

“Excuse me but you are not his parents-”

“What and that woman is? Look, I have been here for this kid longer than anyone else. I have fed him, clothed him, and provided him love so I am not sure what a parent is to you but that sounds better than any textbook definition of a parent that I ever had.” Before the doctor could respond she removed her hand from Laura’s grip, “Let me know when it is over.” Without another word she was off and out of sight.

Giving an apologetic look, Laura followed the doctor through a bunch of hallways until they arrived at a large door. She reached down to pick up Noah as the doctor used his key to unlock the door.

Laura walked through the doorway slowly, turning the corner to see Betty sitting down at a table looking worse than the last time she had seen her. She was sweaty and had bags under her eyes, her legs twitching under the table. It was clear that she was detoxing and Laura could not help but wonder why they were allowing a child to see his mother in this state. Carmilla’s words resonated within her as she tried to ignore all thoughts as she approached the table. Noah buried his face in her shoulder, refusing to look at Betty as she smiled at him.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she whispered to this child who at this point was clinging tightly to Laura. When he did not respond, Betty looked to Laura, “Can you let go of him? You are scaring him.”

Laura paused momentarily at the idiocy in her statement but removed her arms from around Noah to show that he was clinging to her without encouragement.

“Noah,” Betty tried again with no luck. “Honey, did they tell you things to make you afraid of me? Did they put lies in your head?”

Laura stood up, Noah still in her arms, at Betty’s statement. “Are you serious?”

“You would do anything to get my child! You want to take him from me!”

“How could you say that?” Laura breathed exasperatedly.

“You want him! You want to make me look like a monster, you bitch!”

The security guard stepped forward, “Speilsdorf, bring it down.”

“She is trying to steal my baby!”

Noah covered his ears as Betty began screaming cursing, the security guards rushing to sedate her, while Laura began backing out of the room at a loss for words. She took the door handle with her free hand, “Do not call me again. We are off of your list.” She slammed it behind her and headed back to the waiting room where Carmilla sat.

The brunette stood at the sight of the two, “That was quick, is everything okay?”

Laura nodded toward Noah with a shake of the head, “We need to go home.”

Carmilla sighed, placing her hand of the small of her girlfriend’s back, without another word, leading them out of the building. Laura strapped Noah into his carseat and he fell asleep almost instantly. Moving to the passenger seat, the blonde sat still and did her best to focus on her breathing. Once again there was that voice telling her that she had done the wrong thing. The gnawing idea that she was not good enough. Not a good enough person, friend, girlfriend...mother. Every move she made seemed to blow up in her face.

What was she doing wrong?

“Cupcake,” Carmilla spoke a bit louder causing Laura to snap out of her trance and look at her concerned girlfriend. “Are you alright?”

Laura nodded slowly, “Just a little stressed but I will be fine once we go home.”

“I want to show you something first.”

“Please, Carm, “Laura sighed, “I just want to go home.”

“We will go straight home right afterwards, I promise, “Carmilla plead, “Please just trust me on this.” She waited for Laura to nod before pulling out of the parking lot.

They drove around on unfamiliar roads, landscapes beautiful enough to be painted by a professional, until Carmilla stopped at the edge of a dirt road. She turned around quickly to make sure Noah was still asleep before stepping out of the car and walking around to open Laura’s door.

“Come on.”

“Carm-”

“We are just going to sit on the boot, I promise you will be perfectly fine.”

Laura hesitated before complying and exiting the vehicle, Carmilla shutting the door behind her. They hopped on the boot and Laura found the view absolutely fascinating. There were hills and forests for miles cascading the land. True beauty she had never experienced before, at least not like this.

“This is beautiful, Carm.”

The brunette gave a small smile, crossing her legs and leaning back with a sigh. “What has you so shaken?”

Laura shrugged, “Do you ever feel like everything that you do or say is wrong no matter how hard you try?”

“Of course, what has you feeling that way?”

“I guess i just feel like we are not making much progress with Noah and then Betty said some...some awful things. Then every time I want to be alone with you I feel like I throw Noah onto LaF and then Mattie-,” Laura’s breath caught as she grew anxious again.

“Cupcake, breathe.” The brunette ran her hand up and down her girlfriend’s back comfortingly. “You are catastrophizing. We have not even made a decision about Noah yet, Betty is an addict trying to avoid repercussions for neglect. We do not leave Noah with LaFontaine that often anyway, and Mattie is just intimidating by default but she is one of the most caring people I have ever met. You and her have so much in common when it comes to that.”

Laura sighed, “I suppose you are right. I just want to make sure everyone is happy.”

“Let me ask you this,” Carmilla questioned as she sat up. “Are _you_ happy?”

-

After a couple of hours sitting out, admiring the land the sun began setting and the air grew colder. Everything was even more beautiful as the hues of the setting star complemented the shadows of the hills. The women were reluctant to leave but they knew they had to get home eventually. Surprisingly enough, Noah remained asleep for the entire duration of their visit and the trip back home, only waking when Carmilla asked what he wanted to eat from the local hamburger joint. The short trip helped Laura calm herself down a lot. The beauty of the world became so apparent to her in that moment. It provided a way to compare her problems to the world and all of the life that it held. No matter the storm, pollution, or disaster, the sun will always rise after it sets. It may be momentarily masked by the darkness but the sun is permanent. A constant. Even in darkness there is comfort. Not for her but for Carmilla and just the knowledge that it related to _someone_ was enough to leave Laura feeling more refreshed than she had in a long time.

Once they arrived at the house, Carmilla carried a sleepy Noah to the dinner table and placed his food on a plate in front of him while Laura went to the bedroom to lay down - both of them exhausted.

Noah sleepily picked at his food for a while until Carmilla decided to put it away to warm later and let him go to sleep. She hesitated for a moment before heading into her own bedroom. Laura lay quietly on her back staring at the ceiling.

“What are you thinking about?”

The blonde turned toward her with a smile, “I am trying to reimagine that beautiful sunset.”

Carmilla lay down, Laura curling into her chest, “It was pretty amazing, huh?” She kissed the top of the blonde’s head contently, “I can take you there again tomorrow if you would like.”

“I would love that,” Laura smiled, “We should go camping!”

“In the hills?”

“Yes! That way I can see my sunset and you can see your stars.”

Carmilla nodded, “I would love that a lot.”

Laura curled further into her, “Maybe you can tell me what you love about the stars so much tomorrow.”

“Of course.”

They sat cuddled together a bit longer, enjoying the silence. It was incredibly peaceful in comparison to the chaos of the day. It seemed as if this bed was their safe haven. Every time they got ready to sleep, everything felt as if it would be okay.

Laura stirred a bit, interrupting the silence, “Carm?”

“Yes?”

“What do you want to do?”

“About?”

Laura shrugged, “Noah...us.”

Carmilla sighed, running her free hand through her hair, “Do you have an opinion?”

“Yes but I want to hear yours.”

“What if it is the wrong one?”

Laura rolled herself over so that they were facing each other, “We cannot have a successful relationship or make progress if we only say what we think the other wants to hear and not what we feel.”

Carmilla gave a small smile, “You are so beautiful and wise.”

“So?”

“So,” The brunette sighed, “I want to get custody.”

Laura’s silence caused the tension in the room to multiply. Carmilla was about to retract her words when Laura spoke up.

“I love you and I love him but this is a huge step. Are you ready to take it?”

“I am willing to do whatever it takes,” Carmilla spoke surely.

She had never been certain about something in her life. Was she ready for marriage if it came to that? She was not sure but if that is what it would take to keep her family together then she would buy a ring tonight.

Laura smiled, “Then we will start working with this tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

Suddenly it all started to catch up to Carmilla. Sure she was ready but this was real now. Tomorrow was a step toward the future.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to be posting a preview of my new AU!  
> Stay tuned (-:


	5. No Hesitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with New Beginnings and Old Pasts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The comments on the last chapter were so fantastic and insightful! I appreciate every single one of you! Especially since I have been dealing with an extremely difficult time in my life, it is so nice to come back and be greeted by such wonderful support.   
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Laura placed the last pancake on the top of the stack as Noah bounced eagerly in his seat. It was a rainy day but that did not hinder the trios excitement in anyway. Rainy days meant movies, hot cocoa, and forts. 

“Alright, buddy. What is today’s movie?”

Noah munched on his pancakes happily, “Can we watch-”

“We are not watching Frozen,” Carmilla groaned entering the kitchen to grab her coffee, placing a kiss on Laura’s cheek before taking a sip. 

“But Carmie!” Noah whined.

“No, Hell no. We need at least a 3 day break before watching that movie again.”

“Fine,” He pouted, though not quite sad enough to keep from eating more of his pancakes.

Laura smiled in relief, placing a kiss on the brunette’s lips as she personally had enough of  _ Frozen  _ as well. 

“You taste like coffee,” She hummed.

“Really?” Carmilla gasped sarcastically, “Maybe it is from the coffee I am drinking! Do you think coffee makes your mouth taste like coffee?”

“You are such an ass,” Laura rolled her eyes playfully. She turned around to make a plate of pancakes for Carmilla when she felt a smack on her backside. “ _ Shit _ , Carm. You almost made me drop the plate!”

The brunette shrugged innocently behind her mug, reaching into her pocket with her free hand to pull out two coins for Noah. He took them happily as he continued chewing.

“Carmie, I be rich soon.”

“Do not talk with your mouth full,” Carmilla mumbled as she scrunched her face at the sight.

Noah swallowed before speaking again, “When I am rich I will be king of the world. My first law will be that anyone can chew with food in their mouth.”

The brunette leaned against the counter next to where Laura was standing, “I am allergic to see-food.” She took a forkful of pancakes from the plate, earning a nudge from the blonde.

“Hey! I made you your own pancakes.”

The brunette shrugged, “Yours taste better.”

“Carmie,” Noah interrupted, “You are not allergic to seafood. I have seen you eat shrimp before.”

“It is a play on words. Not sea but  _ see _ .” Noah raised his eyebrow causing Carmilla to sigh, “Nevermind.”

Laura laughed slightly at Noah who was still confused, “Do not worry, bud. Carm is always really confusing.”

“I am not confusing,” She grabbed her plate of pancakes and headed out to the living room to start setting up the fort.

As Laura and Noah finished up eating they washed the dishes and then assisted Carmilla in building the fort.

“How do you feel about camping?” Laura asked Noah as she secured one edge of a sheet to the couch while Carmilla secured the other side to the back of a chair.

“We read a book about camping, remember? They had marshmallows!”

“That is exactly right. Would you like to go?”

“I want to go!” He grabbed a bunch of pillows to take into the fort while Laura and Carmilla finished the structure. 

Once they finished, Carmilla took some blankets and entered with Laura following close behind. 

“We are going camping,” The brunette announced as she began positioning the blankets for them to lie down on.

“Can we take marshmallows?”

“Of course, Laura probably already has some hidden under the bed knowing her.”

The blonde rolled her eyes, “Shut up I am not that addicted to sugar.”

“I am not so sure, cutie,” Carmilla smiled as she wrapped her arm around Laura, “I have never seen anyone drink so much hot cocoa in my entire life.”

“I like hot cocoa!” Noah exclaimed to Laura’s defense.

“Yes well Laura is a bad influence.”

The blonde groaned as she tried to shrug out of her girlfriend’s grip but Carmilla only held tighter with a smirk, “You are such an ass.”

Carmilla placed a kiss on top of her head, “Too bad you love me anyway.”

“Yes, too bad.”

The brunette rolled her eyes and moved so that Noah could sit in her lap, “Come here, you are nice to me - unlike someone we know,” She motioned to Laura who was once again rolling her eyes.

Noah smiled, sticking out his tongue at Laura. The brunette pretended to be offended but eventually the three of them burst into laugh.

“Alright, did you pick a different movie?”

“Yes! I want to see  _ Le Petit Prince _ .”

As the movie started, Carmilla and Noah watched the screen intently while Laura spent most of her time watching them. Though they were not related biologically, she was able to find a number of similarities between the two. The way their heads tipped backwards slightly when they found something funny rather than laughing. The way their fingers tensed when they anticipated something. Most of all when sentimental moments came they would cuddle closer into each other. At one point Carmilla turned to look at Laura, a smirk rising to her when the blonde did not look away.

“You have missed this entire movie, cupcake.”

“I do not care. I have a better view,” She replied with a smirk back causing Carmilla to pause for a moment.

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Laura hummed as she sat up to bring their lips together.

Noah took one look and pretended to be disgusted before turning back to the movie. When the couple pulled away Carmilla made sure to leave a little nibble on Laura’s lips, causing the blonde to flush red. The smirk returned to Carmilla’s face before she turned back to watch the movie. There were only a couple minutes left by the time Laura actually decided to watch the movie as well. She had no idea what was happening but was not overly concerned, knowing that Noah constantly liked to watch movies over and over and she would most likely see it again sometime this week. 

As the end credits rolled by, Carmilla stretched her arms while Noah crawled out of her lap to stretch as well. “It is getting kind of late, we should probably start packing for tonight.”

Noah crawled out of the fort with the other two falling closely behind, “What do I take? Can I pack my own bag?”

Laura did a slight stretch of her own, “You need two shirts, two pants, two pairs of socks, a pair of gloves-”

“Wait,” Noah smiled sheepishly, “I cannot remember all of that.”

Laura smiled as she pulled a piece of paper off of the table (Carmilla still had a problem with leaving random sheets of scrap paper around the house) and listing everything he needed with pictures for assistance.

Noah took the paper as she finished and dashed to his room while Carmilla and Laura headed to theirs, ready to pack.

-

Carmilla pulled up to the same she had yesterday in the hills. The three stayed in the car to admire their surroundings before the she turned to Laura with a smile, “We made it just in time for your sunset.”

Sure enough, the sky slowly turned a mix of pink, yellow, and orange hues. It was just as, if not more, beautiful than the day before.

“Go ahead,” Carmilla nodded toward the edge of the hill, “I will get Noah. You should see it without the windshield blocking you.”

Laura smiled gratefully as she exited the car to sit on the boot. Shortly after Carmilla placed Noah on the boot next to her before going to find a place to set up a tent. By the sun set completely, leaving the darkness to take over, Carmilla had secured the tent and started a fire. As the chill of the night surrounded them they curled around the fire for warmth.

“So you need to stand a good distance away from the fire and do not hold your marshmallow too close or else it will catch fire,” Laura explained as she handed the child a skewer with a marshmallow on the end. It took Noah a couple of times before he had a single edible marshmallow. “Great job!” Laura congratulated as she held out a graham cracker, “Put your marshmallow on top now.” Noah did as he was told and she topped it with another cracker and a piece of chocolate to complete the s’more. “Very good, now you wait for it to cool off so that you can eat it.”

Noah waited impatiently as he roasted more marshmallows while Carmilla and Laura took turns in assisting his s’mores stacking. Once they were cooled they all dug in.

“This is amazing!” Noah exclaimed as he swallowed his mouthful.

Laura nodded happily only to be cut off by Carmilla’s thumb wiping the side of her lip before bringing it to her own mouth. The blonde could not help the blush that came to her face as her girlfriend smirked.

“You are worse than Noah,” Carmilla mumbled as she licked the last of the chocolate off of her finger.

Laura tried to hide her face by taking a sip of the hot cocoa in her thermos, “Leave me alone.”

“Absolutely, cutie.” Carmilla laughed as she turned back to her own s’more. She sat quietly knowing that it was driving Laura crazy until the blonde groaned and cuddled into her body.

“I really hate when you do that.”

“Do what?” She asked innocently.

“Make me feel like I have a magnet in my chest that is drawn to yours.”

Carmilla laughed genuinely causing Laura to shake in her arms slightly before whispering, “I think that is how love is supposed to feel, sweetheart.”

Laura groaned, “It really is an inconvenience sometimes.”

“You say that now but-”

Laura quickly covered the brunette’s mouth,” Okay that is enough out of you.”

Carmilla smirked, biting into another s’more as Laura removed her hand. The family began relaxing contently by the fire, Noah slightly drowsy as it was close to his usual bedtime, enjoying the solace of the scenery. The stars were out and as usual Carmilla was feeling almost high in some aspects. The stars connected to her in a way that was different from most. It was almost as if they soaked up all of her pain and stress and just allowed it to evaporate into the darkness.

“Hey,” Laura interrupted Carmilla’s thoughts, “Are you okay?”

The brunette gave a soft smile, “Perfect.”

“I will be right back, okay?” She nodded toward Noah who was desperately trying to keep himself awake. Lifting the sleepy child into her arms, she took him to the tent to lie down while Carmilla waited patiently for her return. 

Something about the way the stars aligned by the glow of the fire reminded her of a mist. No, smoke. It had been so long (or at least it felt that way) since she last smoked. Things were still stressful but she was trying desperately to quit. Her fingers seemed to constantly fumble over the single cigarette she held in her pocket, though never removing it. She was not stressed but it was on her mind. Pulling the cigarette out of her pocket, she held onto it for dear life. Carmilla was unsure of what to do in this situation. She could not just throw it away but her body was also not letting her put it in her pocket. Did she want to smoke it? She was unsure. Of course the urge was there but this had been a perfect night. Did she really want to ruin it for something so small?

“Do it.”

The words from her from her thoughts as she looked over to Laura who was standing above where she sat. When had she gotten there?

“What?”

“Do it. Smoke the cigarette.”

“Laura-”

“No,” The blonde interrupted, “I am serious. You deserve it. You have been playing with that stupid thing for weeks now and have not done anything about it. I know you want to.”

Carmilla’s eyes widened, “How did you...how-”

“I just know you,” She sighed, “If it really is your last one I say you should smoke it. Make it count and then leave it behind.”

They sat silently for a moment until Carmilla stood and moved toward the edge of the hill. 

“This is it,” She whispered before pulling out her lighter to ignite the end of the cigarette. Bringing it to her lips she took a quick inhale in and held it. This was the last time this feeling would enter her lungs. The last time she would truly need a lighter. The last time she would feel the true inhalation. The last time she would hurt Laura with this addict. If she could quit before she could quit again.

Slowly she released the smoke from her mouth and threw the cigarette over the edge. Turning back to Laura she gave a small smile before sitting back down.

“You did not want to finish it?”

“I did not need to. I have the stars,” Carmilla took her hand, “I have you.”

Laura smiled, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before they directed their attention back to the scenery. As the wind picked up, they curled closer into each other. 

“Will you tell me about the stars, now?”

“Of course,” Carmilla maneuvered them so that they were lying down.

“So the stars mean something different to everyone. There is no way to interpret it. I personally love it because how small we are in comparison. All of our struggles, vices, - nothing to that light.”

Laura smiled slightly, “That is so beautiful.”

“You are so beautiful,” The brunette acknowledged, “What do you see in the stars? What do they mean to you?”

Laura hesitated as she thought, “I am not so sure. I see...beauty. I think the darkness is brave to take the place of light.” She looked at the sky a little longer as she tried to find her words, “The darkness reminds me of you - beautiful and brave. It stands alone but it has slight imperfections, the stars, some bigger than others - the moon. These imperfections only make the sky even more beautiful. It embraces these things as a part of it and still shows itself every night.”

Carmilla placed a kiss on the top of her head, a slight blush coming to the brunette’s face. If the stars did not mean anything to her before, they sure did now. She was feeling a new wave of emotions now but instead of reaching for a cigarette, she reached for the necklace. It was the galaxy necklace that Laura had gotten her. She wore it nearly all of the time except for when she showered. Carmilla was unsure if she was protecting the necklace or if it was protecting her.

“You know my entire life I imagined myself having a couple of different people coming in and out of my life and living alone until I died. Noah came into my life and I expected him to go to grade school and never see or think about me again. But this? - this is nowhere near anything I ever imagined for my life.”

“Would you rather it the way you imagined?”

Carmilla shook her head as she fumbled with the jewelry that hung from her neck, “I would not change a single thing that I have now. You know, noah or not, if someone asked me to spend the rest of my life I would agree in a heartbeat. No hesitation.”

“Carm...I-,” She stumbled over her words as she tried to find the right thing to say but there were none. Just passion, feeling. Laura rolled over so that she was on her stomach and brought the brunette’s lips to her own. Every time they touched it, especially times like these, it felt like a fire was igniting within them. Each kiss would allow it to reignite.

By the time they pulled away they were breathing heavily - not from arousal but just pure bliss.

“Carm?”

“Yes?”

“If anyone asked me, my answer would be yes too. No hesitation.”

Though she had never really thought about it before, she felt exactly what she said.

No hesitation.


	6. Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyday can be sunshine and rainbows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this chapter was very short so I just put it together with Chapter 7 and it still kind of short Oops.  
> Once again, the comments on the last chapter were so awesome and insightful! Thank you all for the support (-:

The serenity and relaxation of the previous night had Laura’s mind so clear that she could remember falling asleep or even getting into the tent. That is why she frantically yanked Carmilla awake when she opened her eyes to not find herself in a bed.

“Laura what the f-”

“Sorry,” She gasped exasperatedly, “For a second there I forgot we were out camping.”

The brunette sighed as she curled back up into her sleeping bag. Noah stirred a bit but kept sleeping as well. Laura took this time to admire her beautiful family. One thing Carmilla said last night really resonated with her. As a child Laura constantly had ideas of how her future would be and this was nowhere near anything she ever expected but she would not trade what she had now for the world. 

It was also nice to find similarities in her family because they were not related, making similarities even more special because they were influenced. Anyone who thought a family had to be biological was highly mistaken. One of her favorite things to do was watch Noah and Carmilla sleep They both started on their backs and instinctively rolled over on their stomachs, usually waking for a split second in the transition to look around. It was one of Laura’s favorite things because Noah usually grabbed something to cuddle while Carmilla took the time to make sure everyone was okay - just another one of her amazing qualities.

Laura sighed contently in complete satisfaction as Carmilla reached out for her hand.

“Stop staring,” The brunette mumbled as her thumb massaged circles into the back of her girlfriend’s hand.

“I really love you.”

“You can love me without your eyeballs piercing into the back of my skull.”

Laura rolled her eyes, “You are so good at ruining a sentimental moment.”

Carmilla flipped herself over, a slight smirk coming to her face though she kept her eyes closed, “It’s what I do, cutie.”

“What are you doing?” Noah questioned sleepily.

“Laura is being weird again.”

The blonde groaned, “I hate you sometimes.”

“No you do not,” Carmilla pulled her down so that she could hold her, Laura not even bothering to struggle. She could not deny how nice it felt to lie down with her and family and be completely relaxed - regaurdless of Carmilla’s teasing. 

Noah slid out of his sleeping bag and sat next to where they lay together, still not completely awake. His eyes quickly opened and closed and he never truly focused on his surrounds. Carmilla laughed at the sighed, earning a playful smack from Laura. 

“You can go back to sleep, baby.”

“I do not want to miss more camping though,” He said through a yawn.

Carmilla smiled, “We are not going to do anything without you, bud. We are going to lie down for a bit as well.”

“Can I lay with you?”

Carmilla opened her free arm that was not holding Laura, allowing Noah to slide into her chest. They lay still for a moment, listening to the sound of crickets chirping and the rattling of leaves from the contact with the blowing wind. The serenity of the early morning was a great representation of the family. It gave them hope. They were the leaves blowing, nothing would break them as they held strongly to their roots.

After about twenty minutes, Carmilla’s arms began to ache so they all decided to get ready for breakfast. Noah begged to stay a bit longer so Laura waited with him in the tent while Carmilla made a quick run to the convenience store to grab some food. She came back with hotcakes, coffee, hot cocoa, and milk - something for everyone.

“I feel like the three bears,” She mumbled as she handed Noah and Laura their drinks before taking a sip of her coffee.

Noah fumbled with his milk carton for a moment before Laura reached over to help him open it, “Do you love me?”

“Of course I do, I tell you all of the time and so does Carm.”

“I know but...do you want me?”

Laura looked at Carmilla for a moment before redirecting her attention, “Yes...yes we do. Would you like that?”

“I already told you that I would,” Noah said suddenly shy.

Carmilla moved closer to take his hand into hers, “Well this time we will actually do something about it.”

A huge smile came to Noah’s face in all of it’s glory, “Really? We will be a real family?”

“We already are, bud. But legally - yes we will be a ‘true family’.”

“Can I call you mommies then?”

The couple looked between each other before Laura sighed, “We could talk about it at some point.”

Noah bounced gleefully, nearly spilling his milk, “Thank you!”

“Thank you for being an awesome kid, buddy.” Carmilla gave a small smile as she removed her hand and finished off her drink.

“ _ But _ ,” Laura warned, “This might take a long time so we need you to be patient.”

“I will! I will, I promise!”

“Alright, kiddo. Now let’s get going, I want to stop by your daycare to get your records and find out your birthday.”

-

Carmilla pulled up to the daycare more hesitantly than she expected of herself - especially since she used to show up there everyday. The fact that this was just another step to her future was hitting her and it weighed heavier than she expected. This was her reality now.

“Carm?” Laura took her hand that was previously gripping tightly to the gearshift. She was trying to calm her but it was bit difficult as Carmilla was staring straight forward.

“I’m okay, I just need a second.”

“Whatever you need,” She reassured.

It took Carmilla a while before she was finally able to take her seatbelt off and pull her keys out of the ignition. It felt like forever by the time she actually exited the car but once she did, and the fresh air hit her, it was as if she was unstoppable. 

Her posture straightened, her confidence returned, and she was practically strutting by the time she reached the front door. However, the second she reached the front door she deflated.

“Hi...I-I would like to request Noah Speilsdorf’s records.”

The secretary raised her eyebrow in question, “Do you have a permit?”

“Um-...no. But his mother is in a facility and is requesting them. We will be his guardians for a while and she would like us to have them,” Carmilla lied without a hint of guilt. If it was up to her, Betty would get locked away and never be allowed to see her son again but unfortunately that was not how life worked so she would settle for what she had now.

The secretary hesitated for a moment, “I really should not be doing this but you have earned my trust over time so I will believe you when you tell me that this is what is going on.” She rummaged through a bunch of files before pulling out Noah’s and handing it to Carmilla, “Please do not betray my trust. Use this for good.”

The brunette gave a nod of thanks as she clutched the folder to her chest, “You have my word.”

“I wish you the best of luck.”

“Thank you,” Carmilla practically whispered as she hurried out of the daycare and back to the car where Laura and Noah waited expectantly.

“Well?” Laura questioned impatiently.

Carmilla gave a wide smile as she held out the folder, earning a squeal from the blonde. She instantly flipped through the papers until she landed on a small biography.

“Noah Speilsdorf...child of Elizabeth Anne Speilsdorf….blah blah...oh! Here it is!”, Laura held up the paper, “Date of birth: August 13, 2010.”

Noah perked up instantly, “My birthday?”

“Yes! It is very soon!”

Carmilla’s smile widened as she took everything in. This was it - another step forward to the future. Another step toward being a family. Another step toward the betterment of not only her future but the betterment of herself.  She was moving forward and nothing would get in the way.

She was sure of it..

-

“Hello?”

Laura balanced her phone between her ear and her shoulder as she continued stirring the brownie mix. It was something she always did when the universe seemed to keep everything in line for her. The brownies were like a thank you back to the universe (and her stomach). This brownie making process, however, was interrupted by her phone ringing. 

“Hey, Laura. It’s LaF.”

“Hey, LaF! How are you? I miss you a lot.”

“I miss you too! I’m fine...great actually. I wanted to know if you wanted to maybe have a night out at the bar with Perr and I - they are having a couples night.”

Laura put the spoon down and sighed. What she would give for a night out. Too bad there was one major problem, “I would love to, honestly I would, but we have no one to watch Noah.”

There was a sigh from the other side of the phone, “I understand. Maybe next time?”

“Right...next time. Bye LaF, call whenever. My phone is always on.”

“Thanks Laura, I will remember that. I’ll talk to you soon.”

There was a click on the line and Laura instantly deflated. Of course she loved Noah, there was no doubt about that, but it would be nice to go out with friends once in awhile. Suddenly not hungry, Laura left the brownie mix on the counter and sat down on the couch in the living room, shoulders hunched.

Carmilla looked away from her book, eyebrow raised, “What happened? I thought you were making brownies.”

Laura sat up straight with another sigh, “LaF invited us out to the bar tonight but…” She eyed Noah who was lying down on the floor coloring.

Carmilla got the point and sighed as well, “We could always call Mattie.”

The blonde’s eyebrow raised, “Mattie? Intense, model, very intimidating, Mattie?”

“She is not that way once you get to know her - especially around children,” Carmilla challenged as she set her book down , realizing she would not get back to reading anytime soon. “Mattie is one of the gentlest people I know.”

“Gentle?” Laura furrowed her eyebrows in disbelief, “What about her says gentle? She is about six feet of power and intimidation.”

“Laura, I know you do not have a  good impression of her but I would never put Noah in an unhealthy situation.”

“I know, Carm, I know but you have to understand why I am nervous.”

Carmilla stood up defensively, “No I don’t actually. I figured you would trust me enough to also trust my decisions.”

“ _ We _ have not made a decision yet!”

“No,  _ I  _ did. Have fun tonight, I will stay with Noah. That is  _ my _ decision,” With a shake of the head Carmilla walked away, slamming the bedroom door behind her. Laura placed her head in her hands, avoiding the confused stare Noah was giving her.

She should have finished making the brownies.

-

Carmilla had been lying in her bed staring at the ceiling for about twenty minutes now. She was not sure if she should apologize or not. Had she overreacted? She just wanted Laura to trust her decisions and people closest to her. Was that too much to ask? It was not as if she did not trust Laura’s judgement, should she not want to the same treatment in return? Mattie meant a lot to her - in face, she considered her more of a sibling than her actual brother Will. She was conflicted and the only person she wanted to talk about it with was the one person she could not talk about it with. That is why she chose the second best option.

“Good afternoon, Matska Belmonde speaking.”

“Hey, it’s Carmilla.”

“Well hello there, darling. I was wondering if you would ever calling me or if you would just wait until the sky was falling.”

A smile came to the brunette’s face as this was the exact reason she loved Mattie - so elegant until they were together. Carmilla loved that she was the exception.

“The sky  _ is _ falling.”

There was a gasp on the other side, “Should I grab my umbrella?”

“Probably,” Carmilla shrugged sadly.

“Alright kitty cat, you are never this low. What is going on?”

“Just relationship shit,” The brunette downplayed, praying that Mattie would ask her more that she could vent.

“What happened? Is the newt giving you trouble?”

“She is not a newt, she is my girlfriend Mattie. I am really serious about her so you are going to have start treating her with respect.”

“Alright, alright I had not realized that it was  _ that _ serious. Now tell me what is going on.”

That was her cue. Carmilla explained everything to Mattie, feeling much better with each word. She was not one to vent but situations like this made her wonder why - especially it made her feel so good.

Once she finished explaining she heard Mattie sigh, “Should I talk to her? I promise I will be nice.”

“I’m not sure. I am still kind of upset at the fact that she did not trust me in the first place. We are about to gain custody of a child and she does not trust me. How is that supposed to work?”

Mattie hesitated before speaking, “Let me ask - are you two really ready?”

“Of course we are.”

“You say that but there is still not complete trust there. You are ready for Noah but are you ready for each other?”

That one caught Carmilla up. She had never truly thought about it like that. Sure she loved Laura and saw a future with her but their whole relationship had been a blur. When they first met there was a child already involved. They had only been on one solo date and the other times they had been alone, not much talking had been involved. Hell, they barely knew much about each other’s tolerances and had only just recently discovered each other’s birthdays. It was as if their relationship did not have any substance at all.

“Carmilla? Are you still there?”

“Yes, sorry,” She sighed as Laura entered the room without any eye contact, “I just have a lot to think about.”

“Okay well call me whenever you need.”

“I will. Thank you Mattie...for everything.” She watched Laura tense at the sound of Mattie’s name.

“Of course, darling. I love you very much.”

“I love you too, bye.” She hung up and looked to Laura who was rummaging through her drawers, “What are you doing?”

Laura did not redirect her focus, “I am getting ready.”

“For?”

“Tonight,” The blonde snapped as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Carmilla was a bit taken back, “You are actually going?”

“Yes,” Laura turned around angrily with her hands full, “Is that a problem?”

The brunette deflated at her girlfriend’s tone, “No.”

“That is what I thought,” She was about to leave when Carmilla stood up.

“Why the fuck are you snapping at me? I should be the one mad.”

“I’m not angry,” Laura snapped.

“Really? You seem pretty angry there, twitchy.” She was referred to Laura’s leg that was shaking slightly.

“Fuck off,” She mumbled before storming off to the bathroom. 

Carmilla groaned as she left to check on Noah, making sure to slam the door behind her.

Noah jumped slightly, “Carmie?”

“Hey, bud!” She breathed in an attempt to calm down, “Are you okay?”

He shook his head sadly, “You and Laura fighting.”

Carmilla sighed as she sat down next to him, “We are not fighting, okay? We are just having a slight disagreement but it is nothing for you to be worried about,”

“Are you going to break up?”

Carmilla laughed slightly, “No we are not going to break up. We just need a little space.”

He nodded, cuddling into her side, “Do not fight, okay?”

“We won’t, I promise. Now what would you like to do tonight? It is just you and I.”

“What about Laura?”

“She is going out for a bit,” Carmilla spoke as carefully as she could to not reveal the bitterness she was feeling.

“On a date?”

“I suppose you could call it that.”

“Oh,” He paused trying to process the information, “Well can we have the cheese noodles?”

Camilla laughed at Noah’s confusion of macaroni and cheese. Laura had an intolerance to cheese so they never ate things like macaroni and cheese unless they went out for dinner and ordered individual meals.

“Of course we can. Maybe we can even go out for ice cream like old times.”

Noah bounced excitedly, “I love ice cream!”

“I know you do, kid.” She smiled as she ruffled his hair. Her smile instantly fell when Laura exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her.

The blonde paused for a second as they made eye contact before continuing her trip to the closet to grab some hair product and heading back to the bathroom in the bedroom. Carmilla rolled her eyes in annoyance before turning back to Noah who was watching her expectantly. She gave a smile that did not quite reach her eyes before picking up a crayon.

“Can I color too?”

“Of course!” He exclaimed, “You can color your firetruck in.”

Carmilla laughed slightly before doing as advised. They colored in a couple more pictures in the book for a while, occasionally stopping to put in a movie or change the movie when it ended. By the middle of the second movie, Laura exited the bedroom. Carmilla could not help but stare. Of course,s he always saw Laura as beautiful, no matter what, but this was different. aura was actually trying to be sexy this time. Tonight it was completely intentionally and  _ god _ it was working.

Laura gave a smirk as she noticed Carmilla staring before placing a quick kiss on Noah’s forehead and heading to the front door, “I will be back by 1:00,” She called over her shoulder before leaving without another word.

The brunette groaned, throwing her head back.

_ What the hell is going on? _


	7. No Chance, No Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anger does not create the absence of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I could not sleep so I decided to post (-:  
> Thank you for all of the feedback as always!

“Hey, where is Carmilla?”

Laura rolled her eyes as she hung her jacket over the back of the barseat. Only about 30 seconds in and someone is already bringing her girlfriend up - the one night she wanted to be independent.

“Gee, nice to see you too.”

LaFontaine sensed the tone and winced, “Sorry about that, you two are usually attached at the hip.”

“Maybe that is a part of the problem,” Laura mumbled before ordering a vodka straight.

Perry and LaFontaine looked at her with eyebrows raised, “Do you want to talk about it?” LaF questioned, earning another eyeroll from the blonde.

She threw the drink back with a sigh, “Not at all.”

“Okay,” They said slowly, “Well if you do, we are here for you.”

“Thank you,” Laura looked between the two, “So what is your deal? Are you two doing the do or are you actually getting your shit together and trying to pursue a relationship?”

LaFontaine fidgeted as Perry’s face flushed red, though Laura just seemed annoyed. “We are working on it.”

The blonde laughed without humor, taking a sip of the cider LaF had previously ordered for her, “You better enjoy this now because pretty soon you will dealing with dumb shit like custody battles and untrustworthy sisters.”

“Dumb shit?” LaFontaine questioned concerned, “And are you two fighting about Mattie?”

“We are not fighting,” She snapped in annoyance, “Anyway, I do not think I did anything wrong. Mattie left a sour taste in all of our mouths and Carm is crazy to even suggest having her to come watch Noah.”

“Well,” They hesitated, “Maybe if she trusts Mattie you should too.” The look Laura gave nearly made them fold under their words but they continued anyway, “Look, Carmilla loves Noah as much as you do and I really doubt she would put him in a dangerous position. Carmilla is impulsive and still kind of scary in my eyes but not a bone in my body doubts her love for that child.”

Laura groaned, knowing they were right. For whatever reason, though, she wanted to be angry so she stayed angry.

“Whatever,” She slurred slightly before taking a large gulp of water. She was not trying to get hammered so early in the night so she make a mental note to slow down and pace herself.

Perry looked concerned but stayed quiet and observant as LaFontaine tried to pick the conversation back up, “So are you excited to be out?”

“I suppose.”

“Are you excited to be by yourself?” They tried again.

“Sure..”

“How do you-”

“LaF,” Laura interrupted, “I am fine I just want to know how things are for you.”

That was a huge mistake. LaFontaine’s life was going incredibly well and it was the last thing Laura wanted to hear about. The blonde did her best to give smiles when appropriate but eventually LaF and Perry were so invested in their relationship stories they had not realized Laura slipped away.

The blonde pushed through a number of mingling couples before finding a corner table to sit at. She could not even blame LaF and Perry for being this way - tonight  _ was _ supposed to be a couple’s night after all. It was not their fault she did not bring the other half of her couple. Looking around at all of the pairs did make her really miss Carmilla, though. It almost seemed as if there was double the usual amount of couples out tonight - or maybe it was because any other time she would be distracted by her own girlfriend.

Either way, she was miserable and wanted to go home. But she couldn’t. Not yet anyway. She had to prove the point that she was independent and did not need her stubborn girlfriend to have a good time.

Laura was interrupted by a hand placing down a drink on her table. She looked up to see a redhead smiling down at her.

“Danny, hey.”

-

Carmilla sat at the edge of the pool as Noah paddled around the shallow end. She decided that it was summer and they should do something summer-esque. Noah had only been swimming a few time before so she put a life vest and floated ties arms just for caution. Noah had been bothering her ever so often since they arrived.

“Hey,” Carmilla warned, “Do not go too far.”

He paddled back towards her, holding onto the side, “Carmie, can we have ice cream?”

“Later, bud. If you sad ice cream you have to wait a while before you can get back into the pool.”

“Why?”

“If you do not wait you will get cramps and you could drown.”

“Drown?” He questioned, switching arms to hold on with as his other grew tired.

“You could swallow water or go under and not be able to come up.”

His eyes widened, “I do not want to drown.”

Carmilla laughed slightly, “I do not want you to drown either.”

Noah gave a smile before paddling away to play with another child while Carmilla picked up her book to continue reading. Though she was reading a gothic novel she could not help but have some feelings of regret towards her situation with Laura. It seemed as if everything reminded of her and it honestly felt as if they had been apart for days. It felt odd to not have her adorns all of the time which was probably incredibly unhealthy.

Her entire life had consisted of her independence and now it seemed as if she had no idea how to even begin to be alone. Maybe this break was for better.

-

“Where is your other?”

Danny sat down across from Laura with a sinister smile. Laura groaned at the thought of Carnilla being brought up again. Most of the time she would be annoyed at Danny’s presence but tonight she just wanted to let go. She was out by herself for the first time in what felt like forever and she was going to enjoy it.

“I am just enjoying a night alone. Everyone needs that alone time, right?”

Danny raised her eyebrow, “Hollis on her independent streak? That is very unexpected.”

“Why?”

“You are just always with someone else. The last thing I expected was to see you out at a sleazy bar like this without a protector.”

Laura’s face hardened, “I do not need a protector.”

Danny held her hands up showing submission, “I did not mean it like that, honest.”

The blonde sighed, deciding not to challenge what she knew was bullshit. She was out to have a good time, not to fight - if that was the case she would have just stayed home. Laura decided she would have to let it slide for now.

“Anyway. why are you alone here tonight?”

“Hoping to run into beautiful women like you,” Danny smirked as Laura internally gagged.

“How sweet,” She forced as she threw her drink back. If she was going to survive this conversation she would need liquor courage. “What about your thing with Coach Kirsh? I heard you two had a little thing going on?”

Kirsh was another teacher at the school. He was the gym teacher that worked with weight training and dietary health while Danny was more sports oriented - causing them to constantly cash. However that clashing also seemed to be sexual tension apparently due to all of the employee rumors that they were seeing each other.

“I don’t know - Kirsch is more of a puppy dog than a romantic partner. Besides, I am waiting for someone else,” She said giving Laura a small smile.

The blonde sighed, feeling the early effects of the alcohol. Only a little while longer until Danny’s words stopped meaning anything to her until Carmilla and Noah did not cloud her mind. Until her breath no longer tasted as her mother smelled.

“Do you ever get hints?” Laura asked as she stood you, slightly stumbling as she headed to the bathroom. Leaning against the sink she stared directly at herself in the mirror. It was difficult for her to focus so she instinctively pulled out her phone.

“Hello?”

“Am I looking okay?”

“Um..I cannot see you.”

The blonde recognized the voice and rolled her eyes, “What do you want? Why can you not let me have one night alone?”

“You called me. How much have you had to drink?”

“Why? Are you going to cut me off?”

There was a groan on the other side, “Where is LaFontaine? Can I speak to them?”

“No,” Laura mumbled as she sank to the floor, “I just want to take a nap. I lost them a long time ago.”

“Laura…”

“Carm,” She giggled as she leaned her head against the wall, a couple of women stepping over her.

“What bar are you at?”

“Something about Cats?”

Carmilla sighed, “Look I am going to put Nosh to bed. You need to stay there.”

“Okay, I will take a nap.”

That was the last thing Laura remembered before passing out in the bathroom floor. 

When she came to she was in her bed with a glass of water and painkillers on the table next to her. She was still drunk but at least she was a lot more responsive than earlier. All she could hear was Carmilla and another voice doing their best to whisper.

They were not doing a very good job.

-

“Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Carmilla sighed as Mattie bugged her with her elbow, “No, thank you so much for going to get her. She never does this - especially with her history.”

“Ah, drunks in the family?” Mattie asked, earning a nod from Carmilla.

“Well hopefully this was a one time thing. She was crying in the car.”

“Crying?”

“Yes, She probably did not even realize it, or at least she probably will not remember, but yes she was crying.”

“Did she say anything,” Carmilla asked concerned. After all, Laura did pass out on a bathroom floor in a bar - anything could have happened.

“Just that she was sorry. She repeated it a number of times.”

Carmilla stopped to think. Surely a reaction like that would not come from a simple disagreement. What could it be making Laura so upset? What was she sorry about? Maybe it was just the alcohol talking but Carmilla was hell bent on figuring it out - just in case there was really something going on.

They might be disagreeing right now but she loved Laura regaurdless.

Nothing would change that.

**Author's Note:**

> There is so much in store for this couple and this series in general. I hope you stick with me through it!
> 
> Chat with me: KarmaCarmilla.tumblr.com


End file.
